Oh, what a perfect baby I have! He really is wonderful and only gets more so by the day. His one downfall is that he loves his mama. Downfall, you ask? How can this be? Well let me recount all his perfections and how is love for me mars each one.
He will sleep – soundly and gloriously, through most of the night, through 2-hour naps. As long as I am right there, sleeping with him (or alternately, have him wrapped to my chest). If I get up so much as to go to the bathroom, he is up too.
He will play happily and contentedly in his jumperoo or playmat* as long as I am in the same room, preferably seated right there in front of him oooing and aaahing at his every move.
He rarely fusses during diaper changing, as long as I am the one changing him.
He will kindly allow me to fix dinner or do dishes, as long as he’s up on the counter watching, right next to me.
He will then allow me to eat said dinner in peace, as long as I have him in one arm.
He even occasionally lets me check email, if he can bang on the keys too.
Basically, he is most contented when I am RIGHT IN HIS FACE. Anything less is unacceptable.
*All these made-up words, my God!
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
it's a bird, it's a plane
Why, yes, baby and I DID recently take a trip. On an airplane. Alone. And, oh, it was quite the adventure! It began early in the morning when I realized that OMG BABY, why do I need to pack so much stuff? This was a 6 day trip and normally I would have taken a carry-on and a backpack, but with a baby suddenly I was checking a car seat, stroller, jungle gym, playpen, crib, and ten suitcases.* My BFF, having no idea what she was getting herself into, drove us to the airport and helped to roll all our stuff inside. Thank you, Sleepy Wrap, for allowing me to be hands-free! And then Abe fell asleep as we walked to our gate, which was, of course, at the other end of the universe. He slept through security and getting a snack, and gate checking the stroller, and woke up just in time to board the plane. Yikes!
And because a baby makes things take forever, I was one of the last people to board. And because Southwest doesn’t assign seats, there were only middle seats left. Crap. I was so nervous about being THAT WOMAN with the crying baby that everybody on the plane would hate. But luckily, I sat between a reasonably friendly but uninterested woman and a very friendly, on her way to visit her grandbaby woman who chatted Abe up the whole flight. Luckily too, my baby is awesome and did not cry much. Mid-flight, though, he decided it was lunchtime and I nursed him! Awkwardly! In between two strangers! His custom as of late is to also empty his bowels during mealtime, and I was literally praying that this would not happen. But then I felt the rumblings. And my sweet, darling, precious son proceeded to have the longest, loudest poop known to man. My prayer quickly changed to just PLEASE let it all stay in his diaper. But no dice. I pick him up only to find a yellow crescent on my jeans. And because there was turbulence, I couldn’t get up to change him. For the rest of the flight. So there we are, sitting between two strangers, covered in poop, for the next hour. Hooray!
Then we had to change planes, which was fine. I had our schedule all planned out: after the immediate changing, feed me, play, feed him, put him to sleep. Just in time for the next flight! Which was then delayed! Luckily, he slept through most of it anyway, until the descent when he woke up crying probably due to ear pressure. I glanced anxiously around, hoping no one was giving me an evil stare. Instead, they gave me advice! Rub his ears! Give him a pacifier! Yay for nice strangers!
The trip back was somewhat better because 1) I knew what to expect and 2) there was a stop, but we didn’t have to change planes. But the poop escapade repeated itself (seriously, baby?), except we got to use the changing table in the tiny, gross bathroom. Which really wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be. The table was very sturdy. Then later, when the crying began, a flight attendant took him and walked him around the plane! Walking and being held are his two favorite things, so this worked out quite well. She even sang to him! It was pretty great, I have to say. Not only does it take a village to raise a child, it also takes a flight crew.
*Warning! This post contains a slight amount of exaggeration.
And because a baby makes things take forever, I was one of the last people to board. And because Southwest doesn’t assign seats, there were only middle seats left. Crap. I was so nervous about being THAT WOMAN with the crying baby that everybody on the plane would hate. But luckily, I sat between a reasonably friendly but uninterested woman and a very friendly, on her way to visit her grandbaby woman who chatted Abe up the whole flight. Luckily too, my baby is awesome and did not cry much. Mid-flight, though, he decided it was lunchtime and I nursed him! Awkwardly! In between two strangers! His custom as of late is to also empty his bowels during mealtime, and I was literally praying that this would not happen. But then I felt the rumblings. And my sweet, darling, precious son proceeded to have the longest, loudest poop known to man. My prayer quickly changed to just PLEASE let it all stay in his diaper. But no dice. I pick him up only to find a yellow crescent on my jeans. And because there was turbulence, I couldn’t get up to change him. For the rest of the flight. So there we are, sitting between two strangers, covered in poop, for the next hour. Hooray!
Then we had to change planes, which was fine. I had our schedule all planned out: after the immediate changing, feed me, play, feed him, put him to sleep. Just in time for the next flight! Which was then delayed! Luckily, he slept through most of it anyway, until the descent when he woke up crying probably due to ear pressure. I glanced anxiously around, hoping no one was giving me an evil stare. Instead, they gave me advice! Rub his ears! Give him a pacifier! Yay for nice strangers!
The trip back was somewhat better because 1) I knew what to expect and 2) there was a stop, but we didn’t have to change planes. But the poop escapade repeated itself (seriously, baby?), except we got to use the changing table in the tiny, gross bathroom. Which really wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be. The table was very sturdy. Then later, when the crying began, a flight attendant took him and walked him around the plane! Walking and being held are his two favorite things, so this worked out quite well. She even sang to him! It was pretty great, I have to say. Not only does it take a village to raise a child, it also takes a flight crew.
*Warning! This post contains a slight amount of exaggeration.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
rain, shower, and tears
This baby has been pooping all morning. I'm serious! It's like a game. Like Double Dare, where one contestant has to fill a cup up with kool-aid using a water gun while perched on top of a ladder while his opponents throw cream pies at him. Except in this scenario, the cup is a diaper, the kool-aid is poop, and the cream pies are also poop. This is probably the cause of his major grumpy pants today, as well as my own larger pair of grumpy pants that I started wearing in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep even though el bebe was zonked out.
So to cheer us both up, I decided to go for a walk. Ham LOVES walks, more so if being held, but also in the stroller. And I'm beginning to think I'm more irritable when I don't leave the house all day. So a walk was the perfect remedy. Yes, Nashvillians, it is a rainy day. But it was not raining when we embarked on our sojourn. In my haze of sleeplessness and diaper fatigue, I ignored the obvious implication that, really, IT COULD RAIN AT ANY MOMENT. I think you see where this is headed. I could have just walked up and down our street, staying close to the house, but due to aforementioned haze, I went on our regular route down a side street. I was...oh...half a mile or something from our house. (I have no concept of distance. Does half a mile sound really far? Or too short? It was somewhere in between. Let's say I was about 7 walking minutes from the house.) And it starts to sprinkle. Luckily, the stroller has a cover, but since we're walking into the wind, that really only protects Abe's face. The rain gets harder and is getting all over my baby! I start running a little, but, friends, we all know, that lasted only ten seconds or so before my body slowed down in protest. So we did a little jerky walk-jog back to the house. Luckily, it rained hard, but did not pour, and had almost stopped by the time we got back home, so we are wet, but not drenched. Interestingly enough, Abe does not seem to care a bit.
He also does not freak out when he takes a shower for the first time, as I kind of expected him to. No, water does not make him cry. The tears came during the drying portion of the story. THEN he decides to Freak Out. He just doesn't understand that his neck will stink if I don't dry under all the fatty folds. Wow, that sounds really gross now that I'm writing it, but he is still adorable and clean, I promise. It's juicy baby fat, that's all!
So to cheer us both up, I decided to go for a walk. Ham LOVES walks, more so if being held, but also in the stroller. And I'm beginning to think I'm more irritable when I don't leave the house all day. So a walk was the perfect remedy. Yes, Nashvillians, it is a rainy day. But it was not raining when we embarked on our sojourn. In my haze of sleeplessness and diaper fatigue, I ignored the obvious implication that, really, IT COULD RAIN AT ANY MOMENT. I think you see where this is headed. I could have just walked up and down our street, staying close to the house, but due to aforementioned haze, I went on our regular route down a side street. I was...oh...half a mile or something from our house. (I have no concept of distance. Does half a mile sound really far? Or too short? It was somewhere in between. Let's say I was about 7 walking minutes from the house.) And it starts to sprinkle. Luckily, the stroller has a cover, but since we're walking into the wind, that really only protects Abe's face. The rain gets harder and is getting all over my baby! I start running a little, but, friends, we all know, that lasted only ten seconds or so before my body slowed down in protest. So we did a little jerky walk-jog back to the house. Luckily, it rained hard, but did not pour, and had almost stopped by the time we got back home, so we are wet, but not drenched. Interestingly enough, Abe does not seem to care a bit.
He also does not freak out when he takes a shower for the first time, as I kind of expected him to. No, water does not make him cry. The tears came during the drying portion of the story. THEN he decides to Freak Out. He just doesn't understand that his neck will stink if I don't dry under all the fatty folds. Wow, that sounds really gross now that I'm writing it, but he is still adorable and clean, I promise. It's juicy baby fat, that's all!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
it's the most wonderful ham in the world
So, just gotta say, too cold to be alive right now. It's 18 degrees! Yikes! I could not cut it living in some northern state that actually gets negative degrees regularly. Nooo way. Of course, I would probably have a more efficient heating system if that were the case, but still. I am so unproductive when it's cold. I want to just stay in bed all day. And eat warm things.
In other news, Christmas was good. We traveled and introduced Baby to relatives he hadn't met yet. Yesterday was Anderson's first day back at work, and thus my first day alone with lil' ham in two weeks. I see now that our culture has it all wrong with nuclear families. Extended family living is the way to go! For two weeks, wherever I went, there were other people who wanted to hold the baby, play with the baby, change the baby. I actually got to take a shower practically every day and eat a few meals with two hands and for longer than five minutes! Pretty amazing. I wonder if that's why motherhood seems to be so difficult - you're doing a job alone that really requires many hands. If you want to stay sane, anyway. Luckily I have the best baby ever.
In other news, Christmas was good. We traveled and introduced Baby to relatives he hadn't met yet. Yesterday was Anderson's first day back at work, and thus my first day alone with lil' ham in two weeks. I see now that our culture has it all wrong with nuclear families. Extended family living is the way to go! For two weeks, wherever I went, there were other people who wanted to hold the baby, play with the baby, change the baby. I actually got to take a shower practically every day and eat a few meals with two hands and for longer than five minutes! Pretty amazing. I wonder if that's why motherhood seems to be so difficult - you're doing a job alone that really requires many hands. If you want to stay sane, anyway. Luckily I have the best baby ever.
Friday, December 18, 2009
storing fat for winter
So my 3 month old baby is wearing 6 month old clothes, which fit him perfectly. Is there something off with the sizing or is my baby really that gigantic? He's already larger weight-wise than the 6 month outfits say they fit, but he's not quite that long yet.
Aw, yeah! Chunkeroo!
Aw, yeah! Chunkeroo!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
level up
Today Abraham was lying in bed kicking up a storm and I remarked how strong he is and how much stamina and energy he has. That’s when I realized that, aside from his lack of dexterity, he would be an awesome Diablo character.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
what's in a name?
Earlier this evening we were playing with the baby on the bed and Anderson started saying, "Abraham, Abraham," trying to get Abe to look in his direction. Which didn't happen. And then he was sad because the baby doesn't know his name. But COME ON, can you blame him? We rarely call him by his name! Instead he is:
Ham
Baby Ham
Little Ham
Super Tiny Ham
Hammie
Hambone
Ziggle (what?)
Abe
Abey
Abey Baby
Cutest Boy in the World
Bud
Buddy
Little Bud
What loving, strange parents!
Btw, ABE IS ASLEEP RIGHT NOW! So is Anderson, but that's not as exciting. This kid has not been Mr. Easy Baby lately, so I am mighty pleased with his unconsciousness. Now I just need to work on my own.
Ham
Baby Ham
Little Ham
Super Tiny Ham
Hammie
Hambone
Ziggle (what?)
Abe
Abey
Abey Baby
Cutest Boy in the World
Bud
Buddy
Little Bud
What loving, strange parents!
Btw, ABE IS ASLEEP RIGHT NOW! So is Anderson, but that's not as exciting. This kid has not been Mr. Easy Baby lately, so I am mighty pleased with his unconsciousness. Now I just need to work on my own.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Things I want to remember
1. Abe is a very serious baby. An adult baby. Check out the pictures, you’ll see what I mean. Furrowed brow, intense stare.
2. The way he opens his mouth to say he wants a kiss and then sticks out his tongue when I kiss him.
3. When he starts to fall asleep while nursing and looks up at me accusingly with half-closed eyes as if to say, “You did this to me.” Like I drugged him or something.
4. When he makes a super sad face without crying: pouty, quivery lower lip and eyes welling up with tears. Cutest, saddest baby in the world!
5. How he hates tummy time.
6. Holding his fists up like a boxer.
7. This new thing he does where he stops nursing, leans back to look up at me, and holds out one arm with his hand in a fist. I have no idea what he’s doing or why! I try bumping daps, holding hands, kissing his hand, pretending to eat his hand. They are all met with the same serious stare, making me think I’m not getting it.
2. The way he opens his mouth to say he wants a kiss and then sticks out his tongue when I kiss him.
3. When he starts to fall asleep while nursing and looks up at me accusingly with half-closed eyes as if to say, “You did this to me.” Like I drugged him or something.
4. When he makes a super sad face without crying: pouty, quivery lower lip and eyes welling up with tears. Cutest, saddest baby in the world!
5. How he hates tummy time.
6. Holding his fists up like a boxer.
7. This new thing he does where he stops nursing, leans back to look up at me, and holds out one arm with his hand in a fist. I have no idea what he’s doing or why! I try bumping daps, holding hands, kissing his hand, pretending to eat his hand. They are all met with the same serious stare, making me think I’m not getting it.
Friday, October 30, 2009
amazing and tragic
Amazing: I got in bed a little after 11pm last night and DID NOT GET OUT UNTIL 7:45AM!!* What the! I know what you're thinking, and no, Abe did not slip into a coma. He slept in bed with me and woke up three times to nurse quietly and then fell right back asleep! It was practically decadent! (And for you parents out there who may be wondering, no, I did not change his diaper all night! Bwahaha. But seriously, it's justified because a) he didn't poop, or I would have changed him, cause that's just gross, and b) it was an experiment! To see how long he would stay asleep if I didn't mess with him.)
*I feel like maybe only other parents can appreciate how truly amazing and wonderful this is. You know how when you're really tired, you start thinking, "well at least I can sleep in on Saturday"? Well I just realized the other day that I have nothing to look forward to when I'm tired. It will be YEARS before I can sleep in! Aaaahhh!
Now for the tragic part: When I woke up the first time he wanted to nurse, I must have been lying in a very awkward position or something because I had a killer headache. I kept thinking it would just go away if I went back to sleep, but it has persisted to this very moment despite medicine and a hot shower. So I did not enjoy the long sleep like I should have. Waaahhhh!! Seriously, doesn't that just make you sad?
*I feel like maybe only other parents can appreciate how truly amazing and wonderful this is. You know how when you're really tired, you start thinking, "well at least I can sleep in on Saturday"? Well I just realized the other day that I have nothing to look forward to when I'm tired. It will be YEARS before I can sleep in! Aaaahhh!
Now for the tragic part: When I woke up the first time he wanted to nurse, I must have been lying in a very awkward position or something because I had a killer headache. I kept thinking it would just go away if I went back to sleep, but it has persisted to this very moment despite medicine and a hot shower. So I did not enjoy the long sleep like I should have. Waaahhhh!! Seriously, doesn't that just make you sad?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
mommy bloggin'
So, uh, hey guys, what's new? Not much here... Thought it was about time to update my blog. This might be a bit…long.
New Addition/Edition
So I was lying in bed the other day, looked over beside me, and was like, "Whoa! Where did this baby come from?" Then I fed him (again) and changed his diaper (again). This has pretty much become my life: I am a food production unit and I wipe another human being's poop from his cute little butt. And I try to make him fall asleep. Then when he's sleeping, I miss him and want him to wake up.
I have "omg I have a baby" moments like this occasionally, and the emotion behind them ranges from ecstasy to terror: 1) I have a son. MY SON. He's so perfect, so amazing, with tiny little real human parts all of which I must kiss. 2) What have I done? I have to take care of him all the time FOREVER and I can't change my mind and why is he alive so much?
Luckily #1 mostly wins.
I think before having a baby I had all these preconceived notions of what being a mother would be like, what kind of a mother I would be, and how I would still be me, still have a life, and somehow (still?) be cool. Like I wouldn't change, my life wouldn't really change, I would just have this cool baby now. But just like my preconceived notions of what pregnancy would be like, the reality of it is more overwhelming. I mean, in both cases - pregnancy and motherhood - I had a decent knowledge base and second-hand experience to build on, but experiencing it yourself is totally different.
Unexpected things about pregnancy:
1. The extent of morning sickness: All day. Every day. For four months. With bonus mild nausea until the bitter end.
2. Loss of mental prowess: SO tired. Forgetful. Unable to focus. SO slow. And tired, did I mention?
3. Food and smell aversions. Beloved Indian food turning my stomach.
4. How close I would feel to Abe without ever seeing him, how much I would know him and love him.
And yes, I know these are all things that you commonly hear pregnant women experience. I am stereotypical! But just hearing about them does not do them justice. The experience is so much stronger and baffling.
Unexpected things about having a baby:
1. Crazy protectiveness. I am not a violent person, but for this baby, I will kill a man. You best step off! Keep your mitts off my kid! And other exclamations! Seriously. I will kill you. With my bare hands.*
New Addition/Edition
So I was lying in bed the other day, looked over beside me, and was like, "Whoa! Where did this baby come from?" Then I fed him (again) and changed his diaper (again). This has pretty much become my life: I am a food production unit and I wipe another human being's poop from his cute little butt. And I try to make him fall asleep. Then when he's sleeping, I miss him and want him to wake up.
I have "omg I have a baby" moments like this occasionally, and the emotion behind them ranges from ecstasy to terror: 1) I have a son. MY SON. He's so perfect, so amazing, with tiny little real human parts all of which I must kiss. 2) What have I done? I have to take care of him all the time FOREVER and I can't change my mind and why is he alive so much?
Luckily #1 mostly wins.
I think before having a baby I had all these preconceived notions of what being a mother would be like, what kind of a mother I would be, and how I would still be me, still have a life, and somehow (still?) be cool. Like I wouldn't change, my life wouldn't really change, I would just have this cool baby now. But just like my preconceived notions of what pregnancy would be like, the reality of it is more overwhelming. I mean, in both cases - pregnancy and motherhood - I had a decent knowledge base and second-hand experience to build on, but experiencing it yourself is totally different.
Unexpected things about pregnancy:
1. The extent of morning sickness: All day. Every day. For four months. With bonus mild nausea until the bitter end.
2. Loss of mental prowess: SO tired. Forgetful. Unable to focus. SO slow. And tired, did I mention?
3. Food and smell aversions. Beloved Indian food turning my stomach.
4. How close I would feel to Abe without ever seeing him, how much I would know him and love him.
And yes, I know these are all things that you commonly hear pregnant women experience. I am stereotypical! But just hearing about them does not do them justice. The experience is so much stronger and baffling.
Unexpected things about having a baby:
1. Crazy protectiveness. I am not a violent person, but for this baby, I will kill a man. You best step off! Keep your mitts off my kid! And other exclamations! Seriously. I will kill you. With my bare hands.*
1a. Crazy protectiveness leads to crazy paranoia. During the first couple of weeks after Abe was born, I would jump any time someone knocked on the door. When he slept, I would constantly check to make sure he was still breathing. I was worried that he wasn’t getting enough to eat (yes, yes, I know he’s huge, but still!). Etc, etc. I thought I’d be a lot more laid back!
2. Buying into the hype. Before he was born, I looked at the suggested baby registry items, read magazines, shopped for baby stuff, and always thought, wow, they are really trying to sell you a bunch of crap you don’t need. Who needs a special pillow for nursing and a special blanket to cover you up? Isn’t a wipe warmer totally frivolous? Electric swing? C’mon…who needs all this stuff? WELL, I DO, THAT’S WHO! Man, all these things that I thought were unnecessary are things that make my life sooo much easier. And right now, that is what I’m all about – ease. At first I felt a little bad, a little guilty, about having so many “gadgets” to raise my baby. But screw that! That’s what technology is for. BRING IT ON!
3. Breaking my convictions. Along with buying baby gadgets, I have done several other things that I swore up and down I would not do when I had a baby. Disposable diapers. (The environment groans.) Pacifier. (Eegads!) Baby Bjorn instead of a sling. (Well we tried the sling, actually, and Abe kind of hates it for some reason. So this change is legit.) Carrying him around in public in the car seat instead of in my WARM, MOTHERLY ARMS. Well I will say it again – EASIER. Seriously, if that baby falls asleep in his car seat, I am not taking him out for anything. I have occasional spasms of guilt for these things as well, but mostly I am accepting/don’t have time to think about it.
4. Nursing is hard. I thought based on it being normal and natural and seeing my mom nurse with ease for years that this was kind of a no-brainer. BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NOT THAT COMPLICATED. Well we got it goin’ smooth now, but it was rough for a while. (PS – Dumb ol’ amazing mom, making everything baby-related look easy. I was tricked!!)
5. MUST he nurse so often? I feel like a cow!
6. Nursing him is amazing. Staring into his eyes as he’s cuddled up against me. Watching him fall asleep. I love it!
*Bet you didn’t know I had bear hands, did you?**
**Oh, ho, ho, that joke never gets old! My baby has bear hands too! And often bear feet! And when I change him, he has a bear bottom! Ahaha. But don’t worry, I don’t let him go outside with a BEAR HEAD! Oh man. I crack myself up.
Friday, September 11, 2009
commemoration
So Anderson and I were talking about if Abe decided to make his debut on 9/11 whether that would be a good date. And I said that when he was older and someone asked him when his birthday was, he could turn to them and say, very deadpan, "9/11. Never forget."
And we both died laughing.
And we both died laughing.
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