Coping

Abe likes to put his stuffed animals on the bed one by one to make them sleep, and today, after another night of too little sleep, I decided to get in on the action. I lay down with brown bear as my pillow and told him I was going to sleep too. I didn't actually get to sleep, of course. But lying down with my eyes closed while he piled toys on my head and checked me with his doctor kit was almost like a spa day.

I'm getting reckless these days. I fall asleep fast. Too fast. Too fast, and too deep. It's getting out of control. I can't even stop myself anymore. Prodded awake numerous times throughout the night, yet somehow I don't wake. I barely wake. I sleepwalk through the night and into the morning. I burrow into the mattress. My eyes fight to stay closed, and win. My brain is on autopilot. Every night, more of the same. I can't seem to kick this habit. I've even started sleeping during the day - sometimes only for a few minutes. But other days, like today, I sleep for hours. Then spend the rest of the evening looking forward to my next sleep. Preparing for it. Planning for it. It's sick. I can't even look at myself anymore. I don't recognize my own face in the mirror - the sleep-heavy eyes, sheet-creased cheeks, rumpled hair. Part of me wants to just accept it: this is now my life. But the other part, the rational part, screams that I can change.

Routine

Months ago, the days seemed so long. I couldn't wait for five o'clock when Anderson would get home and give me a little reprieve, especially on days when we stayed home. Now, though, the days zoom by, each hour slipping away unnoticed. Now I look forward to a day, like today, with nowhere to go, no plans. And the day is still flying by. I can't figure out what has changed. Here's a little run-down of our day so far...doesn't it seem like we have done nothing? How can the day be almost over already? (The times are not estimated. We end and start our activities precisely on the minute. Yes...)

7:30  -  Wake up (later than usual) just in time to say goodbye to Anderson, play around in bed for a bit.

8:00  -  Abraham plays around in the kitchen while I have a quick breakfast. (He usually nurses as soon as he wakes up and so doesn't want breakfast).

8:15  -  We play with the play-doh we made yesterday. I need to take pictures of this.

8:30  -  He eats crackers and cheese while I do the dishes.

8:50  -  Coloring with markers on the fridge. Well not ON the fridge...on paper on the fridge. This is actually an excellent idea, if I do say so myself. We were doing this with the paper on the floor, but he seems to prefer standing and find it easier to draw and move around. I wanted to take a video of him drawing with one marker, and then putting the top back on and putting it in the bucket, but as soon as I get out the phone/camera, he just wants to watch videos on it. But I was able to get a picture! What a little artist!

9:30  -  A little Sesame Street and Elmo's World. Man, does he love Elmo.

10:00  -  Outside! Raking, running, rescuing worms, and then a walk with Abe in the stroller.

11:20  -  Back inside for lunch and a little whining. Definitely getting close to nap time.

12:00  -  Start nap process

12:30  -  Sleeping!

He'll sleep till 2:30 or 3, and then if the weather's still nice, we'll go outside and blow bubbles. Probably color with markers some more. And we haven't even played with toys in his room at all today! Then dinner and the day's almost over. See what I mean? So fast!

Resurrection

So, I sometimes don't write in my blog. And this mostly has to do with a baby. There's the baby's natural time-thievery, of course. But there's also this: that baby becomes the only Material. The only topic of Discussion. And maybe some people don't wanna hear about my dang ol' baby every day. But I think now with the new year approaching, I need to embrace this as my current reality. In fact, baby really needs to be upgraded to toddler, and toddler is way cool. Seriously. Read on, and you will see.

And now that baby = toddler, I am reading Montessori everything and trying to create "games" and "activities" rather than just toys. And I am tired of plastic. Tired of brightly colored and noisy. I want wood, and simple, and open-ended. These are the things toddler spends more time with anyway.

But I'm learning, here, guys, and open to suggestions. How To Make the Perfect Baby Toddler Boy Into Real Person. That is the book I would like to read. Or maybe, How Much Can Brain Hold If Not Stifled? Toddler brain so far holds the names and/or sounds of all letters. Some numbers, colors, and shapes. Especially the crescent or moon shape. Did you know a C is a moon? And so is a cashew? And so is a cartoon mouth? He has pointed all of these moons out to me. Moons are everywhere and amazing.

He also climbs steps, drinks from a glass, puts away his toys, plays hide-and-seek, reflects on his actions, and wishes desperately for the motor skills necessary for dressing himself. Alas! To be able to put on a shoe!

So we are doing some fun stuff here these days. Like making smoothies! I promise these are berries and not blood or tomatoes.