Things I want to remember

1. Abe is a very serious baby. An adult baby. Check out the pictures, you’ll see what I mean. Furrowed brow, intense stare.

2. The way he opens his mouth to say he wants a kiss and then sticks out his tongue when I kiss him.

3. When he starts to fall asleep while nursing and looks up at me accusingly with half-closed eyes as if to say, “You did this to me.” Like I drugged him or something.

4. When he makes a super sad face without crying: pouty, quivery lower lip and eyes welling up with tears. Cutest, saddest baby in the world!

5. How he hates tummy time.

6. Holding his fists up like a boxer.

7. This new thing he does where he stops nursing, leans back to look up at me, and holds out one arm with his hand in a fist. I have no idea what he’s doing or why! I try bumping daps, holding hands, kissing his hand, pretending to eat his hand. They are all met with the same serious stare, making me think I’m not getting it.

amazing and tragic

Amazing: I got in bed a little after 11pm last night and DID NOT GET OUT UNTIL 7:45AM!!* What the! I know what you're thinking, and no, Abe did not slip into a coma. He slept in bed with me and woke up three times to nurse quietly and then fell right back asleep! It was practically decadent! (And for you parents out there who may be wondering, no, I did not change his diaper all night! Bwahaha. But seriously, it's justified because a) he didn't poop, or I would have changed him, cause that's just gross, and b) it was an experiment! To see how long he would stay asleep if I didn't mess with him.)

*I feel like maybe only other parents can appreciate how truly amazing and wonderful this is. You know how when you're really tired, you start thinking, "well at least I can sleep in on Saturday"? Well I just realized the other day that I have nothing to look forward to when I'm tired. It will be YEARS before I can sleep in! Aaaahhh!

Now for the tragic part: When I woke up the first time he wanted to nurse, I must have been lying in a very awkward position or something because I had a killer headache. I kept thinking it would just go away if I went back to sleep, but it has persisted to this very moment despite medicine and a hot shower. So I did not enjoy the long sleep like I should have. Waaahhhh!! Seriously, doesn't that just make you sad?

mommy bloggin'

So, uh, hey guys, what's new? Not much here... Thought it was about time to update my blog. This might be a bit…long.

New Addition/Edition

So I was lying in bed the other day, looked over beside me, and was like, "Whoa! Where did this baby come from?" Then I fed him (again) and changed his diaper (again). This has pretty much become my life: I am a food production unit and I wipe another human being's poop from his cute little butt. And I try to make him fall asleep. Then when he's sleeping, I miss him and want him to wake up.

I have "omg I have a baby" moments like this occasionally, and the emotion behind them ranges from ecstasy to terror: 1) I have a son. MY SON. He's so perfect, so amazing, with tiny little real human parts all of which I must kiss. 2) What have I done? I have to take care of him all the time FOREVER and I can't change my mind and why is he alive so much?

Luckily #1 mostly wins.

I think before having a baby I had all these preconceived notions of what being a mother would be like, what kind of a mother I would be, and how I would still be me, still have a life, and somehow (still?) be cool. Like I wouldn't change, my life wouldn't really change, I would just have this cool baby now. But just like my preconceived notions of what pregnancy would be like, the reality of it is more overwhelming. I mean, in both cases - pregnancy and motherhood - I had a decent knowledge base and second-hand experience to build on, but experiencing it yourself is totally different.

Unexpected things about pregnancy:

1. The extent of morning sickness: All day. Every day. For four months. With bonus mild nausea until the bitter end.

2. Loss of mental prowess: SO tired. Forgetful. Unable to focus. SO slow. And tired, did I mention?

3. Food and smell aversions. Beloved Indian food turning my stomach.

4. How close I would feel to Abe without ever seeing him, how much I would know him and love him.

And yes, I know these are all things that you commonly hear pregnant women experience. I am stereotypical! But just hearing about them does not do them justice. The experience is so much stronger and baffling.

Unexpected things about having a baby:

1. Crazy protectiveness. I am not a violent person, but for this baby, I will kill a man. You best step off! Keep your mitts off my kid! And other exclamations! Seriously. I will kill you. With my bare hands.*

1a. Crazy protectiveness leads to crazy paranoia. During the first couple of weeks after Abe was born, I would jump any time someone knocked on the door. When he slept, I would constantly check to make sure he was still breathing. I was worried that he wasn’t getting enough to eat (yes, yes, I know he’s huge, but still!). Etc, etc. I thought I’d be a lot more laid back!

2. Buying into the hype. Before he was born, I looked at the suggested baby registry items, read magazines, shopped for baby stuff, and always thought, wow, they are really trying to sell you a bunch of crap you don’t need. Who needs a special pillow for nursing and a special blanket to cover you up? Isn’t a wipe warmer totally frivolous? Electric swing? C’mon…who needs all this stuff? WELL, I DO, THAT’S WHO! Man, all these things that I thought were unnecessary are things that make my life sooo much easier. And right now, that is what I’m all about – ease. At first I felt a little bad, a little guilty, about having so many “gadgets” to raise my baby. But screw that! That’s what technology is for. BRING IT ON!

3. Breaking my convictions. Along with buying baby gadgets, I have done several other things that I swore up and down I would not do when I had a baby. Disposable diapers. (The environment groans.) Pacifier. (Eegads!) Baby Bjorn instead of a sling. (Well we tried the sling, actually, and Abe kind of hates it for some reason. So this change is legit.) Carrying him around in public in the car seat instead of in my WARM, MOTHERLY ARMS. Well I will say it again – EASIER. Seriously, if that baby falls asleep in his car seat, I am not taking him out for anything. I have occasional spasms of guilt for these things as well, but mostly I am accepting/don’t have time to think about it.

4. Nursing is hard. I thought based on it being normal and natural and seeing my mom nurse with ease for years that this was kind of a no-brainer. BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS IS NOT THAT COMPLICATED. Well we got it goin’ smooth now, but it was rough for a while. (PS – Dumb ol’ amazing mom, making everything baby-related look easy. I was tricked!!)

5. MUST he nurse so often? I feel like a cow!

6. Nursing him is amazing. Staring into his eyes as he’s cuddled up against me. Watching him fall asleep. I love it!

*Bet you didn’t know I had bear hands, did you?**

**Oh, ho, ho, that joke never gets old! My baby has bear hands too! And often bear feet! And when I change him, he has a bear bottom! Ahaha. But don’t worry, I don’t let him go outside with a BEAR HEAD! Oh man. I crack myself up.

commemoration

So Anderson and I were talking about if Abe decided to make his debut on 9/11 whether that would be a good date. And I said that when he was older and someone asked him when his birthday was, he could turn to them and say, very deadpan, "9/11. Never forget."

And we both died laughing.

I Am Not My Hair

So, someone linked to the Stuff White People Like website and got me started browsing it. I'm not going to comment at all on the potential racist/stereotype issues that the site (and corresponding book) raise, but rather, I want to respond to the list of "stuff" as a white person myself.

I was struck by this contrast - for me, the stuff on the list fall clearly into two categories: 1) "yes, very true, I like this" and 2) "people who like this wear abercrombie and fitch shirts and we would most likely not get along."

In the first category belong things like sushi, diversity, yoga, organic food, traveling, Arrested Development, irony, Toyota Prius, and recycling. (Do I sound pretentious? I hope not. I hope that mainly corresponds to the second category.)

In the second category are: awareness, hating their parents, microbreweries, expensive sandwiches*, gentrification, Oscar parties, having gay friends**, divorce***, and America. Granted, all white people are not the same, there are people who like things from both lists, including people who aren't white at all, blah blah blah. But seriously, is it just me, or is there a clear divide in the list where you are describing two very different types of people? Or am I over-analyzing a book written to be humorous? I guess I'm just annoyed that I can be all sheepishly like, "yeah, you got me" one second and then "um, no. not even close" the next.

*While often delicious, I don't enjoy the price of such sandwiches.

**I do not have anything against having gay friends, but for someone to "enjoy" having gay friends seems akin to using people as accessories, which I am not a fan of. Preposition end sentence with.

***What?!??


PS - NO I HAVE NOT HAD A BABY YET. THANK YOU FOR ASKING FIFTY MILLION TIMES!

Not a post about babies or pregnancy

Breakfast

I've been feeling the urge to take a lot of polls lately to find out what people think about the inane minutia of my days. For instance, breakfast: Delicious or disgusting? A fried egg on top of a blueberry waffle topped with syrup, and (because I am indecisive) another fried egg on it's own, but accompanied by a blueberry waffle topped with blackberry jelly. This ended up being way more delicious than I was anticipating. Yay for breakfast in the afternoon! Yay for enjoying food during pregnancy! I may have this exact same meal for "lunch" in a bit.

The next order of business for the day will most likely be waking up the husband. The unfortunate thing about not waking up at the same time is that when he gets up, he'll want to laze about because it's Saturday and he just woke up. Whereas I've already been lazing about for over an hour, so I'm ready to move into the "getting stuff done" phase of the day...and of course all the stuff I want done involves Anderson doing the stuff. Ha. So I'll have to reign in my "what do you mean you don't want to work the second you wake up?" whines and let him have some chill time.

Headings, Facebook, and Blog Popularity

So lately I've been reading this blog in which the writer (or "blogger," if you will, but I hope you won't) breaks up each entry with amusing or descriptive headings, and I thought, hey, that's a good idea. That way the blog - especially when long - doesn't just run together like...something runny. So I wanted to start using headings, but there's also this bit of feeling self-conscious about it because I'm copying someone else's style, and isn't that lame? But then I remind myself that this person DID NOT INVENT HEADINGS. So it's cool if I use them, right? Let's take a poll.

I've also been indecisive on whether or not to have my blog automatically post to Facebook. I set it to do that a while back, and then changed it and took it off, and then put it back on recently. On the plus side, when it posts to Facebook, I get significantly more people reading and commenting, which is cool. On the downside, people don't go to the actual blog site to comment. And also the blog is then available to many more people, some of whom are only "friends," and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, on the blog site itself, it's completely open to the public (including "strangers"), but it's not thrown in their faces via newsfeed.

[Insert segue here] How do blogs get popular? You know how there are those blogs out there that are "well-known" and have like thousands of people reading and following them, and then the writers get book deals or money thrown at them for putting ads on their blogs and so on. But how does this happen? I mean, suppose I updated my blog regularly and it was very witty/insightful/informative/other adjective of choice, still, how would it get popular enough to garner monetary benefits? And why?

Headings Again

Is it worth using headings if I only end up using two legitimately?

stop making babies so complicated

So, I'm still pregnant.

Yup.

No contractions or anything. Just chillin.

Of course, my due date's not until next Saturday, so it's all good. And I still have things I need to get done. And some sleeping to do. But on the other hand, I'm gigantic and waddley and perpetually uncomfortable. Not to mention ready to play with a cute baby!

In other news, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a good movie, cheese fries are delicious, and my husband is a total cutie. He did this little dance today, I forget why, but it was priceless. I call it super-cute syndrome. [Also, since he just read this part over my shoulder, he says I shouldn't call it a good movie, because then I'm putting myself out there too much or something, that I should just say I enjoyed it. But whatever. And then he walked outside the room and out of sight, then said, "What's this? The leg of a man?" and danced across the doorway. It was awesome. I almost peed.]

Also, I can't call people on the phone, apparently, or they think I'm having a baby. When it actually does happen, I'll have to be cool about it, call my mom and just be like, "Hey, what's up? Just calling to see how you're doing...."

I was looking through this list of suggested baby registry items today to see if there was anything we needed to buy for immediate use. First of all, I can't remember what the little suction thing is called to get stuff out of baby's nose, and it wasn't on the list. Somehow I just don't think "snot sucker" is right, but I can't think of anything else to call it. Second, what the heck, marketing? Why do you have to make people think they actually need all this stuff in order to have a baby? Seriously, you should see this list, people. There are four different types of strollers listed. For the car seat, apparently we need strap covers, neck wings, head support, car seat carrier cover, baby sunshade, car seat undermat, and car seat toys. At home, we need a swing (a travel swing, too), a jumper, a walker, a stationary entertainer, a bouncer/rocker, and a baby carrier. I'm sure babies have survived for thousands of years without all these things, and ours will too. Raising a baby does not require technology. I also don't like things that put the baby on its own without human interaction. When we were shopping for a diaper bag, I saw one that had a little pocket on the front that was for an mp3 player with a hole for the headphones to come out. For a split second, I was like, oh, that's cool, so it's tucked away. And then I thought, wait...the only time you would be carrying the diaper bag, most likely, is when you are with your baby. Why do you have headphones on when you're with the baby? Seriously, are you just tuning him out? Or he's asleep, and you won't hear when he wakes up? I dunno, man...seems neglectful.

/rant