Thursday, March 24, 2011
I'm getting reckless these days. I fall asleep fast. Too fast. Too fast, and too deep. It's getting out of control. I can't even stop myself anymore. Prodded awake numerous times throughout the night, yet somehow I don't wake. I barely wake. I sleepwalk through the night and into the morning. I burrow into the mattress. My eyes fight to stay closed, and win. My brain is on autopilot. Every night, more of the same. I can't seem to kick this habit. I've even started sleeping during the day - sometimes only for a few minutes. But other days, like today, I sleep for hours. Then spend the rest of the evening looking forward to my next sleep. Preparing for it. Planning for it. It's sick. I can't even look at myself anymore. I don't recognize my own face in the mirror - the sleep-heavy eyes, sheet-creased cheeks, rumpled hair. Part of me wants to just accept it: this is now my life. But the other part, the rational part, screams that I can change.