Friday, March 6, 2009

In answer to Ashley, in a word: Yes.

In multiple words: Of course, that takes us down the road of is there a "right person" out there for each of us? or do we just fall in love and then make it work? is there any real actual human person with whom a relationship would be easy and constant joy? is the struggle to build and maintain a relationship the very thing that makes it so precious to us? have I been reading too much Tom Robbins?

There are those few couples out there who seem to be just genuinely happy together all the time, and yes, they make me scowl. But perhaps they've just learned not to dwell on the unpleasant, or perhaps they have not yet discovered that they disagree on fundamental things that don't often come up in conversation.

Do arguments keep things spicy? Remind you of how grateful you are to have what you have when you make up? Remind you that nearly everything in life is petty and not worth fighting about?

And as people constantly change, will the two of you grow more similar or more different? How will you react to those changes?

I have to say, knowing the aforementioned pixie is not particularly keen on marriage, that my questioning along these lines all but vanished when I got married. To me, it's a commitment so solid that it doesn't matter whether he's "the one" or whether we argue, because we're in this together for the long, eternal haul, and there's no point in whittling down love with doubt.

1 comment:

  1. Oh it is terrible, all my friends in Memphis are married and seem to have the happiest, most satisfying relationships EVER. But I think you are right...I think it is about falling and love and deciding to maintain that love. Humans as animals are not necessarily hard wired to be with one person only, but in so many ways it is easier to be with one than more than one, so our reason and logic make monogamy sensible and maybe necessary for some.

    Despite all that, it follows that after a period of doubt and worry, there is a period of intense affection and bonding and love which makes you remember why you started in the first place. And marriage. God I wish I wasn't thinking about marriage. I blame society for molding my brain into a stranger to itself.

    On another note completely, I just saw the Watson Twins shopping at the Goodwill by the U of M campus. They are amazons.