So, I haven't posted in a while. But I've been thinking. About things. I've wanted to post something with substance, but I haven't had time. Something besides "omg, my baby is the bestest cutest ever" (although he is) or random thoughts about the weather and local wildlife. I've actually (in between raising a baby, cleaning the house, working, cooking, traveling, and the like) been thinking some big ol' thoughts about self and identity and community. I don't want to be one of THOSE people, but I guess being a mother has caused me to think more about my identity and who I am. Pre-baby, I was a certain person, and post-baby, I am someone a bit the same, but also very different. Obviously, being constantly responsible for the intimate well-being of another person is a big life shift. But I think also part of it is just the change of scenery. I have never been home this much. There has always been school or work (or school and work), with a bit of home on each end. Now, going to the grocery store feels like a fun outing!
But it's actually not true, the part about never being home this much. From 5th-8th grade, I was, when we homeschooled. It was different, aside from the obvious that I was a child and not raising one, because I wasn't alone. My mom and 3-4 siblings were home too. But it was a pretty sweet gig. Very earthy and self-reliant. We had a garden, ordered from the food co-op, baked bread, had various animals, climbed trees, picked wild blackberries and made tons of cobbler, wrote stories, studied whales, walked in the woods, read books and books. It was fabulous. And now that I'm home again, I want to recreate it. The funny thing is, apparently this is a trend. I've been reading about homesteading and femivores and want to laugh and get into it at the same time. I want to do some art and cook from scratch and compost. But, Lord, where is the time? By the time I start some laundry, load the dishwasher, and scrape together something to eat, the day is nearly done!
I feel as though I'm constantly working, but never getting anything done. Two steps forward, one step back. Constantly rolling a stone uphill. The usual metaphors. Which is why I sometimes do what's easy instead of what's best. Although I don't think that's entirely accurate. Sometimes what's easiest IS what's best. This ease and laze as it relates to motherhood is what I sat down here to write, but now it's late, so I'll stop and say that this is the back story. So that it seems more legit.
Another day, another dollar. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.